Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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