come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
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