Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
