I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
being pregnant is like rehab
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
