theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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