genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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