Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
