if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We got so high we made milksteak
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
