You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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