Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
