i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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