thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
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Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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