And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
