Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I love you. Go after that dick
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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