He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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