Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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