ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
