Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
