From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
