I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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