I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
