Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
