Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
