He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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