I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
how does that bad decision feel?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
