if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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