Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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