gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
