Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
