the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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