I got chris browned last night
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
