5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
