I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
