At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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