The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
