just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
