His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
