he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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