One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
