i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
