His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
