eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
