Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
