Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
