i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
should my penis look like a turkey
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
