i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
