she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
