First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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