I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize