My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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