What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
