..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
