i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
