I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
