you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
