she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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