I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
