I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
