hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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