my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
