Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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