I could have mohawked her pubes.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
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My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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