did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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