im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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