Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
