I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
