i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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