imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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