im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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