Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
