just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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