I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
