im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
