My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
