The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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