Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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