My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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