I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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