So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
