Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
where are my eyebrows?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
