win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
