could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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