my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
