but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
