note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
