All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
