the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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